Are you a teenager- or know one?

[Abbey Marie]

Having a teenager in the middle of this craziness, I'm trying to understand the current male-female relationship mores. From what I have been told, this is how it goes (in their lingo):

If a boy & girl are "going out", it means they are "exclusive", which means neither one can have anything going on with another of the opposite sex.

If they are not officially going out, they can "hang out" with anyone of the opposite sex that they want, which includes getting physical to varying degrees. The other party can't really complain, because well, they weren't officially going out. This is true, even if the original couple are together a lot, spend time alone together, and even if they say they love each other.

I really don't get this last concept at all. And most of all, why don't they just decide they are going out if they like each other that much? It just wasn't that huge of a deal back in the day to do so. What are they so hesitant about?

Does this make sense to anyone?

[remie]

Having a teenager in the middle of this craziness, I'm trying to understand the current male-female relationship mores. From what I have been told, this is how it goes (in their lingo):

If a boy & girl are "going out", it means they are "exclusive", which means neither one can have anything going on with another of the opposite sex.

If they are not officially going out, they can "hang out" with anyone of the opposite sex that they want, which includes getting physical to varying degrees. The other party can't really complain, because well, they weren't officially going out. This is true, even if the original couple are together a lot, spend time alone together, and even if they say they love each other.

I really don't get this last concept at all. And most of all, why don't they just decide they are going out if they like each other that much? It just wasn't that huge of a deal back in the day to do so. What are they so hesitant about?

Does this make sense to anyone?

Having lived throught two teeneaged daughters, let me tell you that if you try to make sense of their love lives you will lose your mind.

[Abbey Marie]

Having lived throught two teeneaged daughters, let me tell you that if you try to make sense of their love lives you will lose your mind.

But, she's confused too, and seems to want my advice. I could just counsel her to "lose the bum", but it wouldn't make me very appealing for advice in the future. Plus, I think the boys are just as confused as the girls. :(

[hjmick]

I hate teenagers.






















Okay, "hate" may be a bit strong, especially as I am a father to one and lived through two others, but damn, they are so annoying.

[manu1959]

it is the teenage version of..... friends with bennies....or what i used to call fuck buddies.....

[hjmick]

it is the teenage version of..... friends with bennies....or what i used to call fuck buddies.....

Oh good. I can't thank you enough for that, Manu. As the father of a 16 year old daughter, that does nothing to ease my mind. :fu:

[manu1959]

Oh good. I can't thank you enough for that, Manu. As the father of a 16 year old daughter, that does nothing to ease my mind. :fu:

how about blow job parties...............heard of those?

[Abbey Marie]

I hate teenagers.


Okay, "hate" may be a bit strong, especially as I am a father to one and lived through two others, but damn, they are so annoying.

Remember how cute they were from ages 3-8? And how they hung on our every word? Sigh. I do miss those days...

On the bright side, she told me that she she has a certain level of expectation from guys. She said that expects kindness and respect from anyone she would go out with, and she used my husband (her father) as her example becasue of how well he treats me. He was so thrilled when I told him what she said.

All you fathers of daughters out there- you really are their model of how they expect a man to be. It's a great responsibility.

Hag, I am going to give you credit here. You have told me in the past that I shouldn't worry about the culture so much. You may be right. Our moral standards, our example as husband and wife, and her going to church, seem to have molded her far more than any tv show, school, or even her peers.

[hjmick]

how about blow job parties...............heard of those?

Damn you...

[LiberalNation]

Sounds about right. I guess I'm a teenager but I'm a weird unsocialable teenager so wouldn't know. Found the whole thing rather boring in high school actually, same shit, different time/people.

[Abbey Marie]

Sounds about right. I guess I'm a teenager but I'm a weird unsocialable teenager so wouldn't know. Found the whole thing rather boring in high school actually, same shit, different time/people.

Darn- I was thinking of you having some info. when I wrote it.

[5stringJeff]

Abbey, I'm in the same boat. My daughter, who just finished 8th grade, has found her first boyfriend. Fortunately for me, he's moved to Wisconsin, while my daughter is in WA. :)

[LiberalNation]

Darn- I was thinking of you having some info. when I wrote it.

Well I can go ask my brother or some friends on myspace if you like. Most teenagers don't think that deeply into such things if you are wanting a cut and dry answer tho......

[Abbey Marie]

Well I can go ask my brother or some friends on myspace if you like. Most teenagers don't think that deeply into such things if you are wanting a cut and dry answer tho......

Good point, LN. How did you get so grown up? :)

[Abbey Marie]

Abbey, I'm in the same boat. My daughter, who just finished 8th grade, has found her first boyfriend. Fortunately for me, he's moved to Wisconsin, while my daughter is in WA. :)


Nice!

[gabosaurus]

As a high school-age counselor who works with teenage girls on a daily basis, let me assure you that you have not even scratched the surface with that brief explanation. :D

Girls are pressured every day, from every angle. If you read some of the male responses here, you will know why.
Once puberty hits, girls become very uncertain and confused about themselves. They are uncomfortable with their bodies and how boys react to them. Girls are also much more emotional and looking for a commitment.
Teenage boys, on the other hand, are dogs. They don't care whose butt they sniff. They just want a place to bury their bone. This has been confirmed by my husband. :lmao:

One positive point: If you have a good relation with your daughter, she trusts your opinion and wants your trust. You, however, are not supposed to know this.
If you find your daughter hinting at things, offer to talk. DO NOT offer advice until she asks for it. Ask for her thoughts first. When she asks questions, then you can answer them.

Teenage girls do not want to ask for help. But they do want it. Offer it and they will listen.

[LiberalNation]

Abbey, I'm in the same boat. My daughter, who just finished 8th grade, has found her first boyfriend. Fortunately for me, he's moved to Wisconsin, while my daughter is in WA. :)

Which wouldn't work so well if she was older. Lots of girls try to purposely get pregnant to hold onto a guy in such a situation least I know a few who did. Kept track of days on their phone calendars and scheduled sex with their guys accordingly. Bet the guys just thought they were getting really lucky to have her oh so available all of a sudden. Some teenage girls are stupid.

[5stringJeff]

Which wouldn't work so well if she was older. Lots of girls try to purposely get pregnant to hold onto a guy in such a situation least I know a few who did. Kept track of days on their phone calendars and scheduled sex with their guys accordingly. Bet the guys just thought they were getting really lucky to have her oh so available all of a sudden. Some teenage girls are stupid.

My daughter is both innocent enough and smart enough not to do such a foolish thing.

[LiberalNation]

lol lots of parents think like that. You shoulda heard the sex stories everyone was telling in one of my classes. Seniors, just an fyi for the blind, most at that age and much younger are sleeping around with their parents totally oblivious. These were nice kids too, not stoners or troublemakers or blacks.

[5stringJeff]

lol lots of parents think like that. You shoulda heard the sex stories everyone was telling in one of my classes. Seniors, just an fyi for the blind, most at that age and much younger are sleeping around with their parents totally oblivious. These were nice kids too, not stoners or troublemakers or blacks.

And lots of teens think that all parents are naive and stupid... which is not the case either.

[Abbey Marie]

As a high school-age counselor who works with teenage girls on a daily basis, let me assure you that you have not even scratched the surface with that brief explanation. :D

Girls are pressured every day, from every angle. If you read some of the male responses here, you will know why.
Once puberty hits, girls become very uncertain and confused about themselves. They are uncomfortable with their bodies and how boys react to them. Girls are also much more emotional and looking for a commitment.
Teenage boys, on the other hand, are dogs. They don't care whose butt they sniff. They just want a place to bury their bone. This has been confirmed by my husband. :lmao:

One positive point: If you have a good relation with your daughter, she trusts your opinion and wants your trust. You, however, are not supposed to know this.
If you find your daughter hinting at things, offer to talk. DO NOT offer advice until she asks for it. Ask for her thoughts first. When she asks questions, then you can answer them.

Teenage girls do not want to ask for help. But they do want it. Offer it and they will listen.


I agree with your post, Gabby. It's all true, in my experience.

[Abbey Marie]

And lots of teens think that all parents are naive and stupid... which is not the case either.

Seriously. They don't call me The Vigilant One for nuthin'! Though I do think if someone is determined to do something, they will find a way. Which brings me back to the all-important upbringing, which I am sure in your daughter's case is a strongly positive one.

[LiberalNation]

And lots of teens think that all parents are naive and stupid... which is not the case either.

Maybee, still hilarious listening to the church every sunday with my parents kids sex stories.

[5stringJeff]

Seriously. They don't call me The Vigilant One for nuthin'! Though I do think if someone is determined to do something, they will find a way. Which brings me back to the all-important upbringing, which I am sure in your daughter's case is a strongly positive one.

Yeah... just trying to get her to open up more. She seems to talk to her grandmother more than me. :(

[jackass]

AS a father of a 9 yr old girl...I want to neg rep you all for ruining both her and my lives for the next 9 years!!!



:laugh2:

[KitchenKitten99]

Abbey, I would think your daughter should ASK the guy where the relationship stands. That way she doesn't need to guess, and if it isn't beyond friendship-only-love, then she can feel free to explore her options while still hanging out with the guy friend. Who knows, that guy-friend friendship may eventually grow into something more. It did with me and my husband. We've been friends since 9th grade year (96/97)-even when I moved 20 miles North of where we met, together as a couple for 10 years, and married for almost 6. I dated a few other guys before realizing my feelings for him at the end of Junior year.

[Abbey Marie]

Abbey, I would think your daughter should ASK the guy where the relationship stands. That way she doesn't need to guess, and if it isn't beyond friendship-only-love, then she can feel free to explore her options while still hanging out with the guy friend. Who knows, that guy-friend friendship may eventually grow into something more. It did with me and my husband. We've been friends since 9th grade year (96/97)-even when I moved 20 miles North of where we met, together as a couple for 10 years, and married for almost 6. I dated a few other guys before realizing my feelings for him at the end of Junior year.

I agree. They have had a couple of discussions about it, and she told him how she feels. He just insists that as long as they are not going out officially, he can do pretty much whatever he wants elsewhere. The weird thing is, she was the one who didn't want to go out with him. Yet she really likes him a lot. This is what confuses me. The best I can figure is that it is that age old situation: She won't, and others will, and he's a teen-aged boy.

I guess I just want to better understanmd the whole going out thing, but it seems like it's a mystery to even the teens themselves.

[KitchenKitten99]

I agree. They have had a couple of discussions about it, and she told him how she feels. He just insists that as long as they are not going out officially, he can do pretty much whatever he wants elsewhere. The weird thing is, she was the one who didn't want to go out with him. Yet she really likes him a lot. This is what confuses me. The best I can figure is that it is that age old situation: She won't, and others will, and he's a teen-aged boy.

I guess I just want to better understanmd the whole going out thing, but it seems like it's a mystery to even the teens themselves.

At this point, she should just consider him a friend and expand her horizons. If he really cares for her, and she him, everything will work out on its' own.

Let her know it is ok to stand up for herself and tell him that he needs to make up his mind and stop playing games. I almost want to think that he wants to keep her on the side, in case other relationships don't work out-kind of like a fall-back. Then again, I don't know this guy personally. He could have feelings for her, but doesn't know if they are true love or just puppy-love/lust, and doesn't want to get too involved only to hurt their friendship, if they are already pretty good friends.

Really, at this point, I think she should just move on to dating other guys, but maintain this friendship as strictly just that, and if this relationship is meant to be, it will fall into place at the right time for them.

[Dilloduck]

Maybee, still hilarious listening to the church every sunday with my parents kids sex stories.

Kids lie like hell to their peers about sex and everything else.

[emmett]

When you want to know about ................l..uck
Just sign in, get on and ask the duck!

Or call 1-800-ASK-DUCK

[gabosaurus]

Dillo is exactly right. I have worked with kids whose parents would have heart failure if they knew some of the things they had done.
If you don't keep your kid on a leash 24 hours a day (some do), he/she is going to do whatever they feel like doing. And not tell you about.
It can happen at any time. I met a pregnant 16-year-old girl who flipped everyone out. Both her parents were involved in a church, as was the girl. She spent every summer at a church camp. The last camp, the girl and a friend went horseback riding. They rode to secluded place, met some guys they knew and had sex with them. No one knew until she turned up pregnant.

Abbey, talking to the guy is a good idea. As long as your daughter knows not to believe anything the guy says. :D

[Hagbard Celine]

how about blow job parties...............heard of those?

How do I get invited to one of those? :cheers2:

[glockmail]

....These were nice kids too, not .... blacks. We now see the true racist come out.

[glockmail]

How do I get invited to one of those? :cheers2:
Go to your nearest queer bar and find out. :coffee:

[Hagbard Celine]

Go to your nearest queer bar and find out. :coffee:

I'm sure you can recommend your favorites. :poke:

[gabosaurus]

Go to your nearest queer bar and find out. :coffee:

Glock has the names and addresses of his favorites if you need them. :p

[AFbombloader]

Teenage boys, on the other hand, are dogs. They don't care whose butt they sniff. They just want a place to bury their bone. This has been confirmed by my husband. :lmao:

Way to generalize! Your husband is wrong, 100%. Are there boys out there that this applies to, yes. But it is like saying "All girls are sluts" Is that statement true? NO. Does it apply to some? Yes.

I am the father of two boys, 15 and almost 12. You will not meet two more respectful and kind boys. Your statement does not apply to MY boys. Ask Trigg, Monkeybone, and Nukeman, they will tell you the same thing.

AF:salute:

[manu1959]

How do I get invited to one of those? :cheers2:

i have seen pics of you.......not gonna happen......

[gabosaurus]

I am the father of two boys, 15 and almost 12. You will not meet two more respectful and kind boys. Your statement does not apply to MY boys. Ask Trigg, Monkeybone, and Nukeman, they will tell you the same thing.


How do you know for sure? Do you follow them around 24/7?
Not saying that they are not. I am sure they probably are. But even the kindest, sweetest, most respectful guys at home could be hitting on girls at school and in social situations.

[AFbombloader]

How do you know for sure? Do you follow them around 24/7?
Not saying that they are not. I am sure they probably are. But even the kindest, sweetest, most respectful guys at home could be hitting on girls at school and in social situations.

I believe I have raised them to do the right thing, in every situation. I know I cannot follow them around 100% of the time, but I have faith in their upbringing. And I know their friends and their parents, we are all of the same mind when it comes to the upbringing of our children. I was not like the boys described, and I know my sons are not also.

AF:salute:

[avatar4321]

i dont remember anything of this stuff when I was a teenager. (sometimes feels like im still a teenager though).

I also know I wasnt some sort of dog back then. I didn't even know enough to be one.

[glockmail]

I'm sure you can recommend your favorites. :poke:
Sorry, I haven't been to a normal bar in 25 years, never mind a queer one.