Who's the most miserable human on Earth?

[jimnyc]

ME

And no, I ain't looking for no fucking sympathy, that's what liquor is for. I'm just fucking fed up with life in general and my stinking home and lifestyle. My marriage completely sucks ass and I'm stuck with no way out that I can get a grasp on. She despises me and looks for little ways to drive me insane and it's working. For example, just a short while ago she calls me downstairs and asks me to light the grill. There are 2 types of burgers on the counter - meatless organic burgers for the boy, and turkey burgers for me. I ask my son if he wants cheese on his and she says "don't worry about it, I'm going to cook them. She then brings out pasta, and I ask her if we can mix some sort of cheese in it for flavor and she says no, that it's for her. She says me and the boy are to have peas with our dinner. I go to get them out of the pantry and she tells me not to worry about it that she's going to handle it. Fine, so I come back up here for a smoke, it's obvious I'm useless.

15 minutes passes and she calls me down again. When I get down, I see they are just finishing eating their dinner, and she asks me if I am going to cook my burger or not!!! WTF??? I said, you told me you were going to cook and not worry about it. She says she meant HIS dinner and HERS. So I'm like, ok, you want me to light the grill, you toss a burger on for him, tell me to beat it, and then just leave my dinner frozen on the counter? The veggies are all gone, she says the pasta was for her. Am I the only one confused by this story?

We have a nanny that gets paid an enormous amount weekly, and I have asked her repeatedly to shitcan her and let me take care of my son, but she doesn't trust me. NOT ONE THING has ever happened in my sons 7 years for me to deserve not to be trusted. I treat that kid as any parent would treat their only child, and better.

She obviously wants me out but I'm not making any wrong moves within a home that houses my son, and that I'm entitled to half the value of. And although it's currently valued nearly double what we paid, it can be much more if it weren't for the current market.

Enough rambling, I'm upstairs now with my music loud enough for my Mom to hear 75 miles away in NJ. Currently playing - All is fair in love and war by Lillian Axe.

Don't like my ramblings? Eat shit. Like I said, don't want sympathy, just feel like talking to myself. Bastards.

[gabosaurus]

Jim my friend, you are in SERIOUS need of marriage counseling. I am not jiving your ass either. Make an appointment and go. No fucking excuses, no rhetoric, no blame game. Get some damn counseling.

[jimnyc]

Jim my friend, you are in SERIOUS need of marriage counseling. I am not jiving your ass either. Make an appointment and go. No fucking excuses, no rhetoric, no blame game. Get some damn counseling.

Been there, done that. She has no interest in making things work. While I did at one time, and still have the occasional desire to make things work, it takes two to make it work. She'd prefer to just slowly drive me to insanity.

[OCA]

Jimmy you know i've never lied to you, always told you what I think straight up, from our last conversation you should know this without a doubt so i'm gonna tell you what I think and take it for what its worth:

you are being punked.

Jimmy you need to either do one of two things and MONEY SHOULD BE OF LITTLE OR NO FACTOR in your decision:

1. if you decide to stay in the home you need to demand her respect and I don't mean go around beating your chest yelling that you are gonna respect me or else but you gotta let it be known that the psychological games are over, tonight you should've just taken the shit and cooked it on the grill no matter what she said. I mean I hate to say this but she in this instance treated you like a bitch.

2. Or just get out. I know you got a kid and that its hard but life is too friggin short to be miserable the whole freakin way. You are a smart guy and I know you got a few head problems but you NEED TO GET OUT AND GET A JOB, it will give you self worth to know that you can support yourself and don't need her for jack, if nothing else it will keep you busy and occupy your time. Again I can't stress that enough and that should be the first thing you do, get out and go to work, you won't believe how good it will make you feel, hell the head problems may just disappear too.

[stephanie]

I was in your situation Jim..the only thing that finally worked for me, was to move on..In order to save our sons and my own sanity..
It was hard to do because you do still care and have these hopes that things can work, but if things are so far gone, not much will help..

My EX-hubby and I are the best of friends today, and we share our son equally with no strings attached...

Good luck..

[OCA]

Been there, done that. She has no interest in making things work. While I did at one time, and still have the occasional desire to make things work, it takes two to make it work. She'd prefer to just slowly drive me to insanity.


Then get to a financial point where you can get the fuck out, do the joint custody thing, don't stay together for the kids sake because kids can read that shit like a book, they know when mommy and daddy think each other should just piss off.

[Said1]

I've got to agree with Steph and OCA, especially the part about the head problems disappearing.

[gabosaurus]

What you need to do is figure out why your marriage is not working and try to do something about it. Marriage is not a commodity. It doesn't have a shelf life.
Obviously, I don't believe in divorce or re-marriage. It's never happened in my family. You have a responsibility.
Just my opinion, of course.

[Trigg]

Jimmy,

Your son is 7, they're very smart at this age and he already knows something isn't right.

My 2 cents, and please feel free to ignore it, send your son to your moms or brothers and have a serious talk with your wife. She needs to know where you stand and you need to know if she wants to end things or mend fences.

[Yurt]

divorce sucks and according to the bible we are not supposed to get one, unless adultery. i've had one, bible or no, had to do it. hardest thing i had to do, but she was a facking pyscho. great in the sack tho, so hated to see that go, but was the best decision i ever made. did cost me some money, but well worth it.

[glockmail]

As a catholic I don't take divorce lightly. Having said that, I have a good friend who's husband has been playing head games on her for several years now and I told her to hire a lawyer several times. Her kid is now 10 and on her way to a screwed up life.

Trigg's got the best advice here, followed by OCA and I can't improve on either. Don't pussy-foot around. Make time for a confrontation and deal with the situation. Stay or go, but you need to get off the fence.

[jackass]

Jim, you know you can always come for a visit to SC. :slap:

[dan]

Jim, you know you can always come for a visit to SC. :slap:

Seconded!

[82Marine89]

I got divorced two years ago. The best damn decision I ever made. The worst? Marrying a stripper. My oldest actually said it was a relief that we split up. They are also better adjusted now then when I was married.

[No1tovote4]

"Who's the most miserable human on Earth?"

Me.

I have Strep. It hurts muchly. And I'm allergic to the cure.

[LiberalNation]

pshhhh I still say I'm more misirible. You don't have a job, Jim? That could cause stress in a relationship, women don't like men who set around and don't support themselves. Are you on disability or somethin.

[Mr. P]

pshhhh I still say I'm more misirible. You don't have a job, Jim? That could cause stress in a relationship, women don't like men who set around and don't support themselves. Are you on disability or somethin.

Yeah, but what happened to that "I can bring home the bacon and fry it up in a pan..." SHIT? Now some have it but don't want it, huh?

[LiberalNation]

and most women do, it's still annoying to have a man in sight spending that doesn't do his equal share of bringing home that bacon tho . You could loose the guy and be in the same boat.

[Kathianne]

and most women do, it's still annoying to have a man in sight spending that doesn't do his equal share of bringing home that bacon tho . You could loose the guy and be in the same boat.

I think there may be consensus that society is more willing to give a woman a pass for raising kids; while dissing a man for doing the same.

[LiberalNation]

Like Jim said, there's a nanny, he's not stuck with the babysitting.

[Kathianne]

Like Jim said, there's a nanny, he's not stuck with the babysitting.

From what he's posted, I don't think he'd feel 'stuck', quite the contrary.

[Mr. P]

I think there may be consensus that society is more willing to give a woman a pass for raising kids; while dissing a man for doing the same.

VERY TRUE! Been there.

[remie]

I got divorced two years ago. The best damn decision I ever made. The worst? Marrying a stripper. My oldest actually said it was a relief that we split up. They are also better adjusted now then when I was married.

Interesting, when I divorced my first wife after twenty one years, my two daughters asked me the same question. Kids are sharp. Jimmy I started over at forty six both financially and emotionally and have never regretted it.

[jimnyc]

Gonna make use of the "multiquote" feature and reply to everyone in one post. Yeah for me!


Jimmy you know i've never lied to you, always told you what I think straight up, from our last conversation you should know this without a doubt so i'm gonna tell you what I think and take it for what its worth:

you are being punked.

Jimmy you need to either do one of two things and MONEY SHOULD BE OF LITTLE OR NO FACTOR in your decision:

1. if you decide to stay in the home you need to demand her respect and I don't mean go around beating your chest yelling that you are gonna respect me or else but you gotta let it be known that the psychological games are over, tonight you should've just taken the shit and cooked it on the grill no matter what she said. I mean I hate to say this but she in this instance treated you like a bitch.

2. Or just get out. I know you got a kid and that its hard but life is too friggin short to be miserable the whole freakin way. You are a smart guy and I know you got a few head problems but you NEED TO GET OUT AND GET A JOB, it will give you self worth to know that you can support yourself and don't need her for jack, if nothing else it will keep you busy and occupy your time. Again I can't stress that enough and that should be the first thing you do, get out and go to work, you won't believe how good it will make you feel, hell the head problems may just disappear too.

I know you are correct, Mike. We've discussed this on the phone and I'm in total agreement. While I'm not a greedy person and run my life based on $$$, it does have an impact. I would never force the sale of my home as it would affect my son, but at the same time I shouldn't be ripped off in the deal. I "should" just do my own thing but I need to raise some capital first. Do you know what it costs for even just a 1 bedroom apartment here in Westchester? It's like $1250 just for the garbage places, and that doesn't include food, utilities, gas & other bills. First things first, I guess it's time to drop the internet guru fantasy and get back to the 9-5 corporate shitpool.


I was in your situation Jim..the only thing that finally worked for me, was to move on..In order to save our sons and my own sanity..
It was hard to do because you do still care and have these hopes that things can work, but if things are so far gone, not much will help..

My EX-hubby and I are the best of friends today, and we share our son equally with no strings attached...

Good luck..

Know what you mean. I keep thinking of my son, and holding out for a miracle on her feelings but I believe the waiting is driving me nuts, bringing me further down, and actually making the entire picture worse. I'm not huge on "giving up", not huge on divorce either. But something has to give or it will be my health...


Then get to a financial point where you can get the fuck out, do the joint custody thing, don't stay together for the kids sake because kids can read that shit like a book, they know when mommy and daddy think each other should just piss off.

That's the next step, start saving, easier said than done though. And yes, Jordan even told us at the dinner table last week that he was "happier when we were divorced". He liked it better when we were separated and didn't fight.


I've got to agree with Steph and OCA, especially the part about the head problems disappearing.

Some of them, but I'm afraid there are a few terminal problems in my skull! :coffee:


What you need to do is figure out why your marriage is not working and try to do something about it. Marriage is not a commodity. It doesn't have a shelf life.
Obviously, I don't believe in divorce or re-marriage. It's never happened in my family. You have a responsibility.
Just my opinion, of course.

My parents are divorced. Her parents are divorced. My eldest brother is divorced, as was my sister and Sir Evil. I've seen it too many times and always said I would never follow in their footsteps. I always refused to be a part of another "broken family".


Jimmy,

Your son is 7, they're very smart at this age and he already knows something isn't right.

My 2 cents, and please feel free to ignore it, send your son to your moms or brothers and have a serious talk with your wife. She needs to know where you stand and you need to know if she wants to end things or mend fences.

Like I said, he definitely knows. He always asks me when I'm getting my own house again. Partly he likes it because he knows he has more fun when he visits Daddy, but I sense he knows the trouble in our marriage and home life as well.


divorce sucks and according to the bible we are not supposed to get one, unless adultery. i've had one, bible or no, had to do it. hardest thing i had to do, but she was a facking pyscho. great in the sack tho, so hated to see that go, but was the best decision i ever made. did cost me some money, but well worth it.

So many people talk to me about the positives of their divorces, and I see how it helped them, and totally believe them, but unfortunately it doesn't make it any easier to make that leap.


As a catholic I don't take divorce lightly. Having said that, I have a good friend who's husband has been playing head games on her for several years now and I told her to hire a lawyer several times. Her kid is now 10 and on her way to a screwed up life.

Trigg's got the best advice here, followed by OCA and I can't improve on either. Don't pussy-foot around. Make time for a confrontation and deal with the situation. Stay or go, but you need to get off the fence.

Been on the fence for as long as I can remember. Been there so long it's permanently up my ass by now!


Jim, you know you can always come for a visit to SC. :slap:

All expenses paid trip?


Seconded!

Oh shit, forgot you were there too! No SC for me! LOL j/k


I got divorced two years ago. The best damn decision I ever made. The worst? Marrying a stripper. My oldest actually said it was a relief that we split up. They are also better adjusted now then when I was married.

A stripper? Do you have her number? LOL j/k!!!


"Who's the most miserable human on Earth?"

Me.

I have Strep. It hurts muchly. And I'm allergic to the cure.

We're in the same boat then, I'm in a lot of pain and allergic to the cure (her).


pshhhh I still say I'm more misirible. You don't have a job, Jim? That could cause stress in a relationship, women don't like men who set around and don't support themselves. Are you on disability or somethin.

My job is here at home, trying to become another Internet millionaire. Only $999,788 more to go! Will delve into this deeper in a minute...


and most women do, it's still annoying to have a man in sight spending that doesn't do his equal share of bringing home that bacon tho . You could loose the guy and be in the same boat.

Tradition states that men should be the providers. In my case it wouldn't matter. My last job I made $1600 weekly, cash, before overtime. Generally brought home like $2k - $2600 weekly. Didn't make a damn bit of difference in our relationship. Not the money, or time spent working my ass off. She has 3 degrees and makes 4x that amount. She neither needs or wants anything from me.


I think there may be consensus that society is more willing to give a woman a pass for raising kids; while dissing a man for doing the same.

Amen. A woman who does so is a good Mom. A man that stays home and tends to the house and child is a lazy loser.


Like Jim said, there's a nanny, he's not stuck with the babysitting.

I already do the morning stuff, make sure he's bathed/showered, breakfast, dressed for school, drive him to school... She never gets home by 8pm and that's his bedtime, so I also take care of dinner nightly, his showering, making his bed, homework, activities.... The nanny pick him up from school at 3pm and is supposed to stay until a minimum of 7pm. She hasn't stayed that long in a few years. I generally send her packing at like 5:30 or 6:00. She works a couple of hours per day, usually has a paid day off every few weeks, and doesn't do jack shit with the boy but read a book while he ventures around the house anyway. And the wife gives her over $20 an hour!! (in salary too, so she makes a bunch of money whether I send her home early every day or not).


From what he's posted, I don't think he'd feel 'stuck', quite the contrary.

I would love it. He's at the age where he is starting to like baseball, basketball, going to the stores, playing video games... I certainly wouldn't feel stuck being with my own son.

I'll write more about this crap later. I actually had a mild anxiety attack last evening and slept like shit (bad dreams and tossing and turning). I feel completely drained and sore today, which is typical after a bout of anxiety.

[jackass]

All expenses paid trip?


Whatever you need man!

[glockmail]

....Been on the fence for as long as I can remember. Been there so long it's permanently up my ass by now!..... Methinks you know what has to be done; you're just trying to avoid a confrontation. You need to confront the stuation, schedule a time and in a controled environment, and get 'er done. Change is good.

[avatar4321]

im not going to give you any advice. Im an idiot when it comes to relationships. Nothing is easy as it sounds. But you have my sympathy.

[Abbey Marie]

Jim, this song might make you feel better. It worked for me at one time.

Trapped
Springsteen

Seems like I'm caught up
in your trap
again
Seems like I'll be
wearing the same
old chains
Good will conquer
Evil
And the truth will
set me free
And I know some
day I will find
the key
I know
somewhere I will
find the key
Seems like I've
been playing your
game way too long
Seems the game
I've played has
made you strong
When the game is
over
I won't walk out the
loser
I know I'll walk
out of here again
I know someday
I'll walk out of
here again

Well now I'm
Trapped
OOh yeah
Trapped
OOh Yeah
Trapped

Seems like I've
been sleeping in
your bed too
long
Seems like you've
been meaning to
do me harm
But I'll teach my
eyes to see
Beyond these
walls in front of
me
Someday I'll walk
out of here again
Someday I'll walk
out of here again

Trapped
OOh yeah
Trapped
OOh Yeah
Trapped
OOh Yeah
Trapped
OOh Yeah

Seems like I've
been playing your
game way too long
Seems the game
I've played has
made you strong

Trapped
OOh yeah
Trapped
OOh Yeah
Trapped
OOh Yeah
Trapped
OOh Yeah

[LiberalNation]

Tradition states that men should be the providers. In my case it wouldn't matter. My last job I made $1600 weekly, cash, before overtime. Generally brought home like $2k - $2600 weekly. Didn't make a damn bit of difference in our relationship. Not the money, or time spent working my ass off. She has 3 degrees and makes 4x that amount. She neither needs or wants anything from me.
and ya'll don't seem to fond of each other either so I'll go along with the others on a reccomendation of get out of the poison relationship and try and start fresh.

[DragonStryk72]

Jimmy you know i've never lied to you, always told you what I think straight up, from our last conversation you should know this without a doubt so i'm gonna tell you what I think and take it for what its worth:

you are being punked.

Jimmy you need to either do one of two things and MONEY SHOULD BE OF LITTLE OR NO FACTOR in your decision:

1. if you decide to stay in the home you need to demand her respect and I don't mean go around beating your chest yelling that you are gonna respect me or else but you gotta let it be known that the psychological games are over, tonight you should've just taken the shit and cooked it on the grill no matter what she said. I mean I hate to say this but she in this instance treated you like a bitch.

2. Or just get out. I know you got a kid and that its hard but life is too friggin short to be miserable the whole freakin way. You are a smart guy and I know you got a few head problems but you NEED TO GET OUT AND GET A JOB, it will give you self worth to know that you can support yourself and don't need her for jack, if nothing else it will keep you busy and occupy your time. Again I can't stress that enough and that should be the first thing you do, get out and go to work, you won't believe how good it will make you feel, hell the head problems may just disappear too.

I agree with OCA (Isn't that frightening), but I would also like to add, as the middle child of parents who made one another miserable for 2 decades, that your son is learning what it is to be a man from you right now, and the crap you are taking from this woman is not precisely helping him work that one out.

[emmett]

YOU!

You are correct Jim. I don't know you but I'm sure you are right. It sounds to me like you a single parent, scapegoat and excuse the bluntness...............................fool!

I read all these 2 cent answers to your problem. All were narrow (except Kathianne) and seemed aimed at seeing you leave this selfish person. OK, she makes a buku of bucks. Great. Mike is right, you probably should leave. Hell for all that matters you should sue for custody and alimony IMO.

The stupid situation with the dinner thing was a bit shocking.

How long have you been married?

How old are you, your wife? Out of curisity, what is her occupation? I know this sounds nosey but if you weren't wanting to talk I assume you would not have invited us all into it by posting your tropuble on here.

Jim, I have been a single parent all my life. I raised a son from age five when my marriage fell apart. I also adopted aother child a few years later and never remarried. The struggle was tough at times and I almost surrendered at times in my mind ( I always knew that it was not an option). This is why I feel uniquely qualified to comment on your situation, I ain't just beating my lips together, I've BEEN THERE BROTHER!

Noone in my family had ever gotten a divorce. It was unheard of. My son has been married for 10 years. He and his wife do fairly well so scratch that philosophy that divorce breeds divorce.

Now. On to your wife. She sounds like a selfish bitch actually. If you are considering only what is best for your son in deciding if you should divorce, you should remember what is good for you IS best fr your son as you appear to be his strongest influence and caretaker according to your depiction.

I'm really curious about her occupation that she makes that kind of dough. Is she like a TV talk show host or something. I mean the math I have comes to 1/2 million or so according to 4 x 2600 a week. Damn, you guys ought to be happy as toast man. Obviously the problem ain't money. Let's see, nanny, big dollars, ah.......wife hardly ever home........plenty of time with the kid...........hmmmm. Seems tome that she considers you a servant. Do you have to listen to the I make all this money thing?

You need a job brother! I did not realize the beneath the surface part of this when I stuck mynose in your business with the job interview advice the other night ( or last night or whatever).

You made the comment that your boy is happier when he came to your house when you guys were seperated. If that is really true my advice is to leave, divorce her, file for alimony, child support and dedicate yourself to continuing to raise your son at or near the current level of input.

Good Luck Sir.

[Pale Rider]

Short and sweet.... there is no saving your marriage. Sue her for a divorce, take the kid, and get child support.... but you have to get away from her. That relationship is over pard.

I've decided to divorce my wife as well. After the last ten years being so rocky I didn't even admit to being married, it's time to end it.

[OCA]

You know i've been thinking about this thread the last couple of days and I can't believe that the few times we talked about this Jimmy that I never asked you this question so if you really want to be honest let me ask:

does she have any legitimate beefs against you? I ask this because i've heard your side and I believe in every situation like this that each side has legitimate complaints.........so what are hers against you?