jimnyc
03-11-2008, 05:17 PM
So I drop downstairs for awhile this afternoon and the doorbell rings. I look through the peephole and don't see anyone. Figured maybe it was a very short UPS man. I open the door and there's a fucking monkey eyeballing me from about knee height. I had to wipe my eyes as I thought maybe my medication was getting to me. Just then I hear "what the fuck is your problem, never saw a monkey before?" Great, a talking monkey, the drugs from the 80's are kicking back in and I'm hallucinating! The little bastard says he has a bone to pick with me and wants to know if he could come in. What the hell, I'm never one to turn down a monkey in my hallucinations so I let him in.
He says he was reading my board earlier today and him and the others are quite pissed off at my references to lab monkeys. I'm like "others?" He says "yeah, Frankie, Joe and Ralph over at Acme Pharmaceuticals". I ask him if these are talking monkeys too and he gets a bit pissed and states "that's what I'm talking about, you speak of us like we're stupid or something, do you think they utilize our services because we're dumb like some of the members on your board?" Just then, he hopped on my Chihuahua and took him for a ride and was yelling "giddyup, motherfucker!". I figured I better get this little bastard out of here before he does some damage.
I took him to Dunkin Donuts and ordered myself a coffee, and the little bastard figured I was paying and ordered himself a banana creme filled donut. We sat down and I asked to address his concerns. He told me it was kind of annoying that I would lump him into the same category as some nitwits as I did in the announcements section today. He told me "Hell, I'm a fucking talking monkey, and the people you compare me to obviously have a lesser understanding of the language than I do!". He said him and the others hop onto the labs computers after closing hours and love to read my board to get some laughs before watching Seinfeld and BJ and the Bear reruns. He said "look, I know it's frustrating to deal with people like that, it's hard enough for me to just read it, but it's just plain wrong to bring us up in comparison to dolts just because you're angry". I told him he was right and that I had assumed that since they were lab monkeys that they might have been a bit "dumbed down" from all the testing they've been through. He said "You'd think so, and maybe a few of them are, but they would have to get us to drink nuclear twinkies for a few years to be as dumb as that numbskull you compared us to".
He said he had to go because the boss would be back soon and he'd be in trouble if caught away again. He was already on probation because him and his buddy Sam had driven out to Nevada and kicked NM's ass just for the hell of it. He said "Fuck, I agreed to give them bastards rep points for their shit posts and get no respect in return!". He said "Look, just lay off the references about us and you won't see me anymore. But if you bring us up in the same breath as that brain dead tree stump again, I'll be forced to come back and crack your knee caps!".
As he was leaving, he said it would be nice if the kind ladies of the board would post some boobies for "the guys" to enjoy. Just passing along the message!
So, I would like to publicly apologize to all the lab monkeys out there reading this. The mere fact that you are capable of understanding what I am writing shows me you're in a different league than those I compared you to.
He says he was reading my board earlier today and him and the others are quite pissed off at my references to lab monkeys. I'm like "others?" He says "yeah, Frankie, Joe and Ralph over at Acme Pharmaceuticals". I ask him if these are talking monkeys too and he gets a bit pissed and states "that's what I'm talking about, you speak of us like we're stupid or something, do you think they utilize our services because we're dumb like some of the members on your board?" Just then, he hopped on my Chihuahua and took him for a ride and was yelling "giddyup, motherfucker!". I figured I better get this little bastard out of here before he does some damage.
I took him to Dunkin Donuts and ordered myself a coffee, and the little bastard figured I was paying and ordered himself a banana creme filled donut. We sat down and I asked to address his concerns. He told me it was kind of annoying that I would lump him into the same category as some nitwits as I did in the announcements section today. He told me "Hell, I'm a fucking talking monkey, and the people you compare me to obviously have a lesser understanding of the language than I do!". He said him and the others hop onto the labs computers after closing hours and love to read my board to get some laughs before watching Seinfeld and BJ and the Bear reruns. He said "look, I know it's frustrating to deal with people like that, it's hard enough for me to just read it, but it's just plain wrong to bring us up in comparison to dolts just because you're angry". I told him he was right and that I had assumed that since they were lab monkeys that they might have been a bit "dumbed down" from all the testing they've been through. He said "You'd think so, and maybe a few of them are, but they would have to get us to drink nuclear twinkies for a few years to be as dumb as that numbskull you compared us to".
He said he had to go because the boss would be back soon and he'd be in trouble if caught away again. He was already on probation because him and his buddy Sam had driven out to Nevada and kicked NM's ass just for the hell of it. He said "Fuck, I agreed to give them bastards rep points for their shit posts and get no respect in return!". He said "Look, just lay off the references about us and you won't see me anymore. But if you bring us up in the same breath as that brain dead tree stump again, I'll be forced to come back and crack your knee caps!".
As he was leaving, he said it would be nice if the kind ladies of the board would post some boobies for "the guys" to enjoy. Just passing along the message!
So, I would like to publicly apologize to all the lab monkeys out there reading this. The mere fact that you are capable of understanding what I am writing shows me you're in a different league than those I compared you to.