Rejection

[avatar4321]

I was just reading something in a book (hence why there's no link) about overcoming a fear of rejection. I liked it.

Basically this guy had a bad divorce and was afraid to ask this girl out because he was afraid of rejection. So he asked a counselor he had prior what she suggested he do to get over it. He was highly motivated and wanted to get over this asap to ask this girl out.

So she told him he just wasnt experienced enough with rejection. So she gave him the assignment to go out to a public place, gave him a set line that he was not to deviate from, and get rejected by 75 women.

So he was intrigued and went out and tried it. Was rejected three times and then the fourth agreed to have coffee with him. He realized that he might have a harder time getting the rejections if people actually said yes.

So he became more creative. tried to find people he knew would reject him. Ultimately he came up to totally gorgeous woman with the demeanor which said she was like the ice queen. So he told himself he would give himself some bonus points if he could get up the nerve to ask her. So he is walking toward her totally terrified and realizing that even with the bonus points he will be no where near the 75 rejections.

It was at the moment a light bulb went out, he went to a corner, took out his phone and asked the girl he wanted to out.

So I've been thinking of this story. it was rather amusing and I was thinking about what are some good ways to get rejected? I figure the more we get rejected the more we get used to it so then we don't feel so bad about it or are afraid. What does anyone else thing? Anyone up for the challenge who might be afraid?

[Mr. P]

When one accepts rejection is only 50% possible it makes every risk 50% more acceptable.

[manu1959]

i finally realized ..... 30 years ago .... the worst they can say is no .....

[hjmick]

i finally realized ..... 30 years ago .... the worst they can say is no .....

I was younger when I realized this (provided that 1959 represents the year of your birth) and have been happier for the epiphany ever since.

[glockmail]

i finally realized ..... 30 years ago .... the worst they can say is no ..... ... and that they are like busses: always another one coming.

[Hagbard Celine]

Just grow a pair and ask her out Timid Peter. Hahaha

[manu1959]

... and that they are like busses: always another one coming.

my mom used to tell me it was like a parade......another pretty float will be along soon....

[avatar4321]

Just grow a pair and ask her out Timid Peter. Hahaha

who should ask who out?

[manu1959]

I was younger when I realized this (provided that 1959 represents the year of your birth) and have been happier for the epiphany ever since.

manu1959 is for manchester united football club and 1959 is the year they started rebuilding from the munich air disaster when the team plane crash in 58.....and it also happens to be my birth year....

[jackass]

the worst they can say is no .....

......or kick you in the balls.....

:blowup:

[The Reverend]

......or kick you in the balls.....

:blowup:

Or shoot you, run you over, mace you, call the police on you, scream rape, and etc....... :laugh2:

[Kathianne]

Avatar, when I was young, no problem getting dates. The only time I turned a guy down is when he appeared so full of himself or I had observed him being a jerk to others. I wouldn't always accept a second date, but always said it was 'because of me,' for one reason or another.

Seriously, I still have friends from way back when with guys I went out with once or twice. Went to their weddings, with two of them I ended up better friends with their wives than with them.

Go ahead and ask. I don't know you 'in real life,' but would guess you are a nice, quiet, smart guy. Lots of girls would like you.

[diuretic]

Interesting point Kathianne - while us blokes have to work up the courage it must be difficult for a woman to actually have to decline.

Av - the exercise the counsellors put the bloke through is also very interesting. I know it's a bit obvious but it seems they reduced the fear of rejection by getting him to realistically appraise the difficulty of the original objective. They told him to try and climb Everest when he really only had to climb El Capitan. So in a way I suppose they got him to minimise his own fears.

I don't know if that makes sense but I know what I mean :laugh2:

[avatar4321]

I don't think you guys understand the premise of the thread. I'm not bringing up the topic of rejection because im worried about getting a date. I don't think my gf would approve of me soliciting people for dates.

The premise of the thread is rejection itself. And there are more areas to fear rejection then just dating. Just making friends for one. Or maybe making a sales pitch. or doing missionary work. Or political campaigning.

The point is to talk about rejection.

[jackass]

doing missionary

I got shot down last night for my attempt to do some missionary...


:laugh2:

[Kathianne]

Interesting point Kathianne - while us blokes have to work up the courage it must be difficult for a woman to actually have to decline.

Av - the exercise the counsellors put the bloke through is also very interesting. I know it's a bit obvious but it seems they reduced the fear of rejection by getting him to realistically appraise the difficulty of the original objective. They told him to try and climb Everest when he really only had to climb El Capitan. So in a way I suppose they got him to minimise his own fears.

I don't know if that makes sense but I know what I mean :laugh2:

Great response, I think alot of the time the 'rejection' is really that there is someone else 'in hope' or just coming out of something bad. I have friends that did get a kick out of saying 'no', I never got that. Seems to me that even if you KNOW there isn't anything 'there' it hurts nothing to be nice.

[Dilloduck]

I don't think you guys understand the premise of the thread. I'm not bringing up the topic of rejection because im worried about getting a date. I don't think my gf would approve of me soliciting people for dates.

The premise of the thread is rejection itself. And there are more areas to fear rejection then just dating. Just making friends for one. Or maybe making a sales pitch. or doing missionary work. Or political campaigning.

The point is to talk about rejection.

Rejection about what , by whom, etc etc. Big topic.

[hjmick]

I don't think you guys understand the premise of the thread. I'm not bringing up the topic of rejection because im worried about getting a date. I don't think my gf would approve of me soliciting people for dates.

The premise of the thread is rejection itself. And there are more areas to fear rejection then just dating. Just making friends for one. Or maybe making a sales pitch. or doing missionary work. Or political campaigning.

The point is to talk about rejection.

We understand, we're just rejecting the premise. :coffee:

[Said1]

So I've been thinking of this story. it was rather amusing and I was thinking about what are some good ways to get rejected? I figure the more we get rejected the more we get used to it so then we don't feel so bad about it or are afraid. What does anyone else thing? Anyone up for the challenge who might be afraid?

What type of challenge? 75 rejections?

[Dilloduck]

What type of challenge?

sounds like "truth or dare" to me ! :laugh2:

[Yurt]

We understand, we're just rejecting the premise. :coffee:

are you sure you aren't "denouncing" it :laugh2:

anyways.....


So I've been thinking of this story. it was rather amusing and I was thinking about what are some good ways to get rejected? I figure the more we get rejected the more we get used to it so then we don't feel so bad about it or are afraid. What does anyone else thing? Anyone up for the challenge who might be afraid?

if anyone thinks to tell you they have the one "answer" to get over rejection, reject them. IMO, there is no one answer. we all overcome rejections on a daily basis. rejected: getting into line, getting that stop sign, getting the bunny behind the counter to make your coffee just right for a "change." getting that proposal, draft, memo, ad approved of. whether the news tells us that what we are doing is "ok", whether the world rejects us, our leader(s)....

so, i offer you the one right answer:

without ever trying, you have been automatically eliminated or rejected.

if you are rejected, deal with it. we are all human, haven't you ever rejected someone/something that that person thought would be what you needed? we all have. we are all imperfect.

i hate rejection. i am such a freakin ninny when it comes to handing in a "rough" draft that I sweat the load so much that TWO of my bosses have told me -- its no big deal, i edit everyone...relax. its true though, i have seen it with more "tenured" people. but i hate it.

my last personal anecdote (cuz i like ya):

2L (you know) and the SBA positions are up. Pres (one of my best friends, still) and ... all the rest. the VP .... his 1L dumbass girlfriend with boinkers out to hong kong. Needless to say, no upperclassmen liked her and no way in hell was a 1L going to win. As I was already the class treasurer and had "no enemies", i was asked. I said eff that, dude, i don't want it and beeeeesides, if she wins i will look like a ............lalooser. Well, they all told me, you can do it, yada yada... so i ran. I told myself over and .... over that it really doesn't matter, ... they are just students like myself and this fake little ivory tower doesn't exist. reality is, it did exist at that time. so i ran my campaign and put up posters that mader her look silly.

I won, of course, like i didn't have the upperclass vote in addition to being a tutor for her class. My bud won the pres, still friends (hahahah, they broke up [to many black eyes] and hes now married to a GREAT woman)

But I thought alot about rejection. Peers in graduate school are nothing compared to undergrad. I really am not a great public speaker, but i was so sick and tired of being afraid that I went for it. and for me, it really did come down to being sick and tired of not living what i envisioned.

[82Marine89]

i finally realized ..... 30 years ago .... the worst they can say is no .....

And slap you across the face.

[jimnyc]

Hell, I've probably been rejected more times on a drunken evening than some have to deal with in a lifetime! Rejection is so much easier to deal with when you're under the influence of alcohol! Funny thing is, I CANNOT deal with rejection to the point that I almost refuse to try if I'm straight! But when drunk I see it as a game and figure I could blame my rejection on the alcohol.

I've always been fearful of rejection. For me it started long before women came into my life. My fear was acceptance in general and therefore the need to be the best at everything I did to get acceptance in that manner. Later in life, I realize that's the wrong attitude, and people should accept you for who you are, but I believe that's where my problems started. Low self esteem must be the trigger. If you're confident than you likely won't mind a bit of rejection as you know you'll be successful in the future. But if you self esteem is lacking, you may think your chances are limited and a rejection is "fatal".

But like you stated in your OP, Av, learning to deal with rejection and knowing it's not the end of the world is key, hence someone purposely getting rejected to reinforce the fact that it's normal and doesn't effect future chances - unless you allow it to.

Shit, I could write for days on this issue since we're only in a forum. I have a serious problem with "meeting" people and talking with strangers, and not just trying to pick up ladies. But those who know me and have hung out with me before would probably be surprised as I'm generally very outspoken, hyper and like to be "leader of the pack". I think these are all qualities that are intended to mask the underlying fears. But when push comes to shove, and my friends would disappear for a few minutes leaving me with someone I didn't know too well, I would clam up!

Then I found hookers! :laugh2: :coffee: