stephanie
02-20-2007, 04:31 AM
This is suppose to be satire....But there's a lot of TRUTH in it..
Gore's Oscar/Nobel Acceptance Speech (Draft)
By Red Square
2/19/2007, 2:53 am
The People's Cube has obtained a draft of Al Gore's Oscar acceptance speech to be read in full, uninterrupted by music, at Hollywood's Kodak Theater on Feb. 25. The same speech, with minor adjustments for local weather, will also be delivered in Oslo City Hall on Dec. 10, where Al Gore is hoping to receive a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in putting Global Warming on the front burner of class struggle. Below is the full text of Al Gore's speech:
~
Ladies and Gentlemen! Comrades!
Climate change is a modern-day equivalent of class struggle. Global Warming is an easily understood, historically inevitable concept in Marxist Science designed to help the Party to crush capitalism and fulfill mankind's utmost desire to redistribute wealth and establish a centralized global government with an army of enlightened bureaucrats running a planned global economy based on world-wide quotas and five-year plans.
In the absence of classical Marxist preconditions for the Revolution - global crisis of capitalism combined with massive poverty and despair - Global Warming stands out as the most convenient, non-denominational replacement thereof. It provides both the means to manipulate the masses - and a moral justification for doing so. As such it replaces the previously promising but failed agitprop tools as "Overpopulation," "Ozone Holes," "Global Famine," and "Ice Age 2." Until the time when it gets replaced by another convenient agitprop tool, Global Warming must remain an unquestionable dogma in all political discussions (you shall be notified of changes, if any, by the NPR, the New York Times, and other progressive media organs.)
The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not. If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Global Warming encompasses four dogmas:
Global temperatures are rising.
This is a bad thing.
Rising temperatures (if they exist) are caused by human industries.
We must place human industries under centralized control and issue production quotas to stop rising temperatures.
Note: if you can't prove Proposition #1 & #3 you must quickly move to #4.
Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching my film "An Inconvenient Truth," they all figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's Oscar-winning "Fahrenheit 9/11."
This, and many other Global Warming trivia you will find in my new book which I will be selling in the lobby right after this speech, so you better start forming a line now. Get used to standing in lines, comrades, because when my plan for the future is implemented, lines and ration coupons will become a national pastime for non-Party members. In an easy, accessible format, my book will explain why, unless you appoint me the next President of Earth, you and your pets will all die a horrible death when this planet blows up.
The book consists of the following chapters:
How we're all doomed and the planet is going to blow up.
How stopping Wal-Mart can help the polar bears.
How higher taxes can help the polar bears.
How fairness doctrine can help the polar bears.
How higher unemployment is linked to cleaner air quality.
How poor impoverished countries like to stay that way.
How the printing of Bibles destroys millions of trees every year.
How to spot heretic scientists and other Global Warming deniers.
How to report Global Warming deniers to the authorities.
How greenhouse gases should be renamed so as not to offended the green party activists, people that don't live in houses, and anyone whose last name happens to be Greenhouse.
You will also learn:
The quick and easy way to make anyone feel guilty enough to write you a big check.
Idiot-proof steps for destroying world's most productive economies and getting big checks in the process.
Down-to-earth advice on suppressing dissent and/or getting big checks by pulling "scientific facts" out of your ass.
* * *
We hear that Al Gore has generally approved the draft but asked to go easy on Marxist references so as not to scare away those bourgeois who might still write him a big check. His other suggestion was to change the book title from "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Global Warming" to "The Progressive Activist's Guide To Global Warming."
The speech, commissioned to the writers of the Propaganda Department at Karl Marx Treatment Center, has been reserved for inclusion into a compilation CD of "Historical Speeches of Famous American Leaders" also featuring speeches by Barbra Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, and Oprah Winfrey.
http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1096
Gore's Oscar/Nobel Acceptance Speech (Draft)
By Red Square
2/19/2007, 2:53 am
The People's Cube has obtained a draft of Al Gore's Oscar acceptance speech to be read in full, uninterrupted by music, at Hollywood's Kodak Theater on Feb. 25. The same speech, with minor adjustments for local weather, will also be delivered in Oslo City Hall on Dec. 10, where Al Gore is hoping to receive a Nobel Peace Prize for his efforts in putting Global Warming on the front burner of class struggle. Below is the full text of Al Gore's speech:
~
Ladies and Gentlemen! Comrades!
Climate change is a modern-day equivalent of class struggle. Global Warming is an easily understood, historically inevitable concept in Marxist Science designed to help the Party to crush capitalism and fulfill mankind's utmost desire to redistribute wealth and establish a centralized global government with an army of enlightened bureaucrats running a planned global economy based on world-wide quotas and five-year plans.
In the absence of classical Marxist preconditions for the Revolution - global crisis of capitalism combined with massive poverty and despair - Global Warming stands out as the most convenient, non-denominational replacement thereof. It provides both the means to manipulate the masses - and a moral justification for doing so. As such it replaces the previously promising but failed agitprop tools as "Overpopulation," "Ozone Holes," "Global Famine," and "Ice Age 2." Until the time when it gets replaced by another convenient agitprop tool, Global Warming must remain an unquestionable dogma in all political discussions (you shall be notified of changes, if any, by the NPR, the New York Times, and other progressive media organs.)
The importance of Global Warming for the Revolution is too great to leave it in the hands of scientists. The masses must believe that it is beneficial to have faith in Global Warming whether it can be proven or not. If Global Warming didn't exist it would be necessary to invent it.
Global Warming encompasses four dogmas:
Global temperatures are rising.
This is a bad thing.
Rising temperatures (if they exist) are caused by human industries.
We must place human industries under centralized control and issue production quotas to stop rising temperatures.
Note: if you can't prove Proposition #1 & #3 you must quickly move to #4.
Many people have difficulty with things like driving directions, balancing a checking account, and releasing the "Caps Lock" key. And yet, after watching my film "An Inconvenient Truth," they all figured out Global Warming just as easily as they had figured out the Iraq war after watching Michael Moore's Oscar-winning "Fahrenheit 9/11."
This, and many other Global Warming trivia you will find in my new book which I will be selling in the lobby right after this speech, so you better start forming a line now. Get used to standing in lines, comrades, because when my plan for the future is implemented, lines and ration coupons will become a national pastime for non-Party members. In an easy, accessible format, my book will explain why, unless you appoint me the next President of Earth, you and your pets will all die a horrible death when this planet blows up.
The book consists of the following chapters:
How we're all doomed and the planet is going to blow up.
How stopping Wal-Mart can help the polar bears.
How higher taxes can help the polar bears.
How fairness doctrine can help the polar bears.
How higher unemployment is linked to cleaner air quality.
How poor impoverished countries like to stay that way.
How the printing of Bibles destroys millions of trees every year.
How to spot heretic scientists and other Global Warming deniers.
How to report Global Warming deniers to the authorities.
How greenhouse gases should be renamed so as not to offended the green party activists, people that don't live in houses, and anyone whose last name happens to be Greenhouse.
You will also learn:
The quick and easy way to make anyone feel guilty enough to write you a big check.
Idiot-proof steps for destroying world's most productive economies and getting big checks in the process.
Down-to-earth advice on suppressing dissent and/or getting big checks by pulling "scientific facts" out of your ass.
* * *
We hear that Al Gore has generally approved the draft but asked to go easy on Marxist references so as not to scare away those bourgeois who might still write him a big check. His other suggestion was to change the book title from "The Complete Idiot's Guide To Global Warming" to "The Progressive Activist's Guide To Global Warming."
The speech, commissioned to the writers of the Propaganda Department at Karl Marx Treatment Center, has been reserved for inclusion into a compilation CD of "Historical Speeches of Famous American Leaders" also featuring speeches by Barbra Streisand, Rosie O'Donnell, and Oprah Winfrey.
http://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=1096